An Unexpected Turn Of Events
by SpaceExplosion
Summary: After the fall John takes a turn for the worst, he pushes away his friends when he needs them the most. He hasn't given up hope that Sherlock is alive but in hiding. After refusing all help given to him John takes drastic measures to try and get Sherlock to come home.
1. Chapter 1

An Unexpected Turn Of Events

Notes: This is my first fanfic but all comments are welcome, please let me know if I've made a spelling or grammar mistake. I hope you all enjoy reading this and I will try to update regularly. There will be some fluff involved and it could get dark in some places but I hope you all like reading it as much as I like writing it. I've planned to do about 20 chapters on this so lets begin.

Summary: After the fall John finds himself unable to cope without Sherlock so he tries to lure him back to Baker Street.

Chapter one

'John. John, get up. Lestrade phoned me. There's a killer on the loose, come on!'

'Ahh, Sherlock!' John jolted awake covered in sweat and he was panting.

Sherlock's voice sounded so real, so full of life. He could've sworn he had just been in the room with him. As usual he then checked the flat for any sign anyone had been in there with him..twice. But as always, there was nothing out of place.

John inwardly sighed to the room around him. That had been the first time he'd gotten out of his chair in days, he had lost count of how many days it could have only been a few hours but it felt like much longer. He was proven wrong by the sack of papers now sliding onto the landing just outside the room to their..his flat. John left them there, there must have been at least 9 but he never moved them so there was probably more scattered on the floor and around the flat.

'Why can't they just leave me alone..´ His voice was so quiet and broken it must have been a mix of emotion and the lack of water. He barely ate or drank but this past month he'd barely eaten one whole meal but at least he stopped using alcohol as an escape. John was very pale and had dark circles haunting his once lively eyes, he was also now becoming thinner and thinner which had taken its toll on his health, the lack of decent sleep only added to the growing list of problems, he only wanted to sleep but every time he saw or heard Sherlock in a dream he awoke and searched for him.

_When had Mrs Hudson stopped coming up?_

_When you shouted at her and told her you wish she would leave you alone?_

_When you told her she was wasting your time?_

_When you said she was making things worse?_

_When you started throwing up and blamed her cooking?_

_Or was it when she went to sit on Sher…that chair and you demanded she didn't move anything that was his._

'Well done John. You've really upset Mrs. Hudson.'

He walked over to the kitchen suddenly realising how painful his throat was.

'When did I last have a drink? Oh my-' He broke off clutching his throat. Definitely hadn't drank since he had sat down in his chair 5 days ago?

After downing a pint glass of water he regretted it because he then found himself rushing to the bathroom only seconds later.

…

John woke up with a groan as the pain from his head hit him; he was lying uncomfortably by the toilet. He was covered in sweat and after a few moments he recapped over what had happened. He had a glass of water, ran to the bathroom, was sick..a fair bit and then he'd fainted and most likely hit his head on the sink on his way down. That was the only explanation that he could think of while he was still in this state.

After sitting motionless for a long while he decided a shower was in order, just so he could at least know that he was in fact capable of doing something normal without throwing up or fainting.

After letting the room fill with steam John undressed himself and dragged himself into the shower, it felt nice on his skin, like all his pain was being stripped off him in one quick swipe. If only that were the case.

After a rather long shower John got dressed into some jeans and a t-shirt which was looser than he'd remembered. He ventured to the living room to retrieve his mobile before going to see Mrs. Hudson but she was already sat awkwardly on a wooden chair normally by the kitchen table. John was surprised to see her there looking so calm.

'Mrs. Hudson, I was just about to-'

'I heard you fall so I thought I'd check on you dear' she injected but her voice was a soothing noise that John had forgotten about.

'You didn't have to. You shouldn't of. After the way I treated you.' His voice was full of self-hate and disappointment but Mrs. Hudson expected nothing less.

'I care about you John, I know you're finding things hard right now, I thought it would be best to leave you for a while but I think I should start coming up more often. Every other day, perhaps?' Her voice was soft, she really did mean what she was saying. She had hurt in hers for a brief moment after remembering what John had said to her but she soon dismissed the thought.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean those things I said but thank you for coming up to check on me.' John attempted a smile but it wasn't very convincing, Mrs. Hudson smiled back anyway.

'You don't need to say sorry, John. I understand. I'm glad I did come to check on you, you look awful.' She was scanning over his face like she hadn't seen it when he first came in, she looked for any other sign of illness but only saw a pale, sick-looking ex-army doctor. 'You should go lie down. Goodness, when did you last eat something?' She was alarmed.

I-I don't know. I'm fine, really I am.' His voice was weak which didn't help when he was trying to convince anyone he was okay.

'John, please go to bed I'll bring you up some soup. Chicken or lentil?' She was half out the room and John hadn't even moved a muscle.

'Do you have any vegetable?'

_What are you saying? You can't even keep water down, soup will be ten times worse!_

'Shut up, I can manage..' He voice was whisper but it was still auditable.

'What was that dear?' Mrs. Hudson was in 221a now shouting up from her kitchen.

'I'm just going to bed. How did she hear me?' The last part John made sure he said under his breath to make sure she didn't hear him. He could only hope.


	2. Chapter 2

Notes: Thank you all for reading this and following it. I fixed the problems in the first chapter (I proofread at stupid times in the night) I'll make sure this chapter doesn't have any mistakes. Let's get on with the story.

Chapter 2

John woke up just as the sun was starting to creep up from the horizon; there was a flask of soup on the cabinet beside his bed with a note lying next to it;

_**I got some vegetable soup for you, its spring vegetable I hope that's alright. **_

_**You can put it in the microwave if you wake up and its gone cold, I didn't want to wake you, you looked so peaceful. **_

_**Mrs. Hudson x **_

'Good old Mrs. H.' John smiled a little when he finished reading her note.

He picked up the flask. It was cold.

'Damn it.' He whispered to insure he didn't wake Mrs. Hudson.

He placed the flask carefully on the side again along with the note before getting out of bed and going over to the window to watch the sky.

After watching the sun rise over the rooftops of London for only a few minutes he decided to check the time.

06:37am.

_Not bad_, _you actually got some sleep._

_Well not much sleep. A few hours? Still you didn't see… him._

Then it all came flashing back in painful surges. When they first met in Barts. The way he knew everything about him. Everything was rushing threw his mind, every case, every bored moment. The laughs, the jokes, the arguments. All those bloody deductions that amazed him but drove him mad at the same time. And then. The phone call.

'Goodbye John.' His voice was still so vivid in John's memory.

John fell to his knees covering his face with his hands. 'No, it's not fair. I don't want to see that!' When he remembered Sherlock falling all the memories stopped and he was left lying on the floor of his bedroom yelling for it all to stop and crying.

…

He must have fallen asleep like that. On the floor, all curled up, crying like a teenager after a break-up. Is that what this was? A break-up? Had Sherlock really left his flat mate, his friend, his one true friend, to what kind of life?

John had never been that bad before. Never had he fallen asleep on the floor because he couldn't get up, or more like he didn't want to move in case the memories started again. This was what life would be like now, the constant pain of memories, the boredom, the sleepless nights and the worried people that would try to make things better. Try as they might nothing would work. His therapist knew that for sure. He hadn't gone for weeks, maybe months, the answer-phone was full of messages from her, as was his phone.

'My phone!' John jolted upright in an attempt to see if he could see it in his room but he must have left it downstairs.

'Great, now I'm going to have to go down the bloody stairs.' He mumbled to himself as he stumbled down each step, it was dark inside the flat because all the curtains were drawn and John had no intentions of opening them just yet.

'Phone, phone, phone…' He chanted to himself like it was going to lure his mobile to him. No luck.

'Ahh! No, that's the remote.' After five minutes of searching in the near dark he decided it would be best if he opened a curtain just so he could actually see where he was going. After opening all the curtains in the living room he quickly found his mobile and unlocked it.

*_You have 38 missed calls and 42 new messages*_

John sighed and looked at the long list of texts.

'_**Don't forget your appointment tomorrow.'**_

'_**Where are you?'**_

'_**John, are you okay?'**_

'_**Why aren't you replying?'**_

'_**You need to tell me how you're doing'**_

'_**Things will only get worse John.'**_

'_**Pick up your phone.'**_

'_**How's your blog?'**_

'_**You need to contact me, I'm worried about you.'**_

'_**John, you're not well'**_

*Deleted*

He quickly deleted all the texts, they were all from his therapist.

'Why does she have to keep trying to get me to talk to her. I don't want to.' John was speaking to himself again.

The light from the answer-phone was booming across the half lit room and John left his 38 missed calls to be attended to later.

'**You have twenty-three new messages'**

'Oh great.' John listening to each of them for a maximum of two seconds before deleting them. They were the same as his texts, all from his therapist, all trying to get him to contact her. He thought about blocking her number but that would only make things worse in he long run, what if she started coming to his flat or sending letters to him.

'My laptop!' He exclaimed turning his back on the phone and scanning the room quickly before seeing it on his side of the two desks.

A moment of silence filled the flat.

'I miss you.' He voice was trembling and his eyes were already red and filling with water. He grabbed the laptop and sat down on his chair setting it on the arm while it turned on and loaded up. To pass the time John decided to check the missed calls on his mobile expecting them to all be from his therapist again, but instead he was greeted with a familiar name after the thirteenth time his therapist came up.

_Mycroft Holmes_

'Wh-what. Why would he call me?'

_Yes why would he call you. Of all the important people why the hell would he want to talk to you?_

_Its probably just he knows you stopped seeing your therapist. He has questions._

_Ring him back. No, don't. he'll think you're needing._

_He'll be deducing you silently._

'Shut up for gods sake!' He didn't mean to shout but he did and now he feared that Mrs. Hudson would come upstairs and ask if he was alright. He couldn't lie to her.

*buzz. Buzz. Buzz.* John's phone was ringing.

'What. How did he? What!' John was staring at his phone while it kept on vibrating with Mycroft's name across the screen. He slowly and nervously answered the call.

'…hello?'

'Hello John, its Mycroft here.' Mycroft sounded normal, well, reasonably upbeat.

'Yes, your name came up.' John was unsure of when he got Mycroft's number of why he had accepted the call.

'Oh yes of course, force of habit.' John could hear the smile creeping across Mycroft's face.

'Why have you tried to call me so many times Mycroft.' John suddenly got his confidence back and when he spoke it was less of a question and more of a demand.

'To check on you of course. You were my brother's friend and you cared about him which means I should make sure you're okay.' Mycroft's voice was soothing, a tone that didn't suite his personality.

'How does that mean you should make sure that I'm okay?'

'We need to talk probably John, I have a lot of questions for you. Would you like me to send a car over?'

'No, that's the last thing I want, to be standing in some abandoned building with you asking me question after question.' He didn't mean to sound so aggressive but the words just flew out his mouth like that.

'Then why don't we get some coffee.'

'I'll meet you at starbucks in fifteen minutes.'

'Which one?'

'The one closest to Baker Street.'

John abruptly ended the conversation knowing that he would have to answer why he did that along with other things.


	3. Chapter 3

Notes: Sorry for the late update I've been ill pretty much all week so I couldn't write much for this but anyway I hope this is as good as I want it to be I had to do some a bit of research to make sure I got it all correct. All will be explained.

Chapter 3

After putting on his shoes and his coat with the leather patches John descended the stairs to _his_ flat for the first time in a long time and it took him some time because of his leg. The limp had returned.

It was almost nine o clock now so the streets were reasonably quiet after the morning rush with only a few commuters rushing to get to the office because they've missed the tube their train was late, either way it made it easier for John.

There was no doubt in Johns mind that Mycroft would be taking a car to Starbucks so he'd probably be waiting for John but knowing him he'll probably be watching his movements through the streets while sipping some tea.

…

John was almost right in his assumptions but instead of sipping tea Mycroft was eating a small piece of cake.

_Isn't he on a diet?_

'John, how are you?' He stood up to shake John's hand.

'Hello Mycroft. You know how I'm doing.' John ignored Mycrofts hand.

'You've been doing so well.'

'No I haven't and you know I haven't.' A tinge of anger crept into John's voice like it had on the phone less than an hour ago. 'I can't top thinking about it.'

'Its natural to reply memories John.'

'Even after ten months?'

It went silent. Mycroft sat down and gestured to for John to do the same.

'People take time to grieve. Some people are over it a day others take much longer.'

'I don't think I'll ever stop mourning.'

'It will take time John. You have to be patient, there's no other way I'm afraid.'

'I watched him Mycroft. I saw him take that step and I watched him fall and hit the ground. I saw the blood, his blood, scattered on the ground like an explosion seeping out of his-

Mycroft injected. 'I read the report. I've heard you tell me this so many times since that day.'

'So now you're sick of me? Why did you bother calling me all those times if you didn't want to listen to me?' He got up to leave.

'That's what your therapist is for John.'

'Oh give it up, we both know I haven't been in weeks.'

'Why did you stop going to her John?'

'You know why, you have it all written in the stupid note book of yours.' He was pointing to the book now in Mycroft's hands.

'I went to hear your point of view.'

'From her point of view though? So now you want to listen to me?'

'She was helping you, you were getting better.'

'I'm not ill Mycroft!' There was no way he was sitting back down now he didn't care that he was putting on a show for the rest of the people in there even though it was mainly the staff that had all come out to watch in unfurl.

'John, you're suffering from-'

'Shut up Mycroft!' John was shouting but Mycroft's expression was still calm. 'Don't say another word about what _you _think I'm suffering from. You don't know what's going on in my head and you never will!' John was storming towards the door but Mycroft shouted after him.

'He was my brother, my younger brother. I was supposed to take care of him and stop him from getting into trouble or harms way.' John decided he wasn't done shouting at Mycroft so he walked back over and put his hands on the table in a domineering manner.

'But you failed, didn't you. Because you told Moriarty all about Sherlock's past just so he could destroy him and you knew that Mycroft, you let it happen. You made the biggest mistake and you're telling me that you were supposed to be protecting him?'

'I never know what Jim Moriarty would do with that information. I never dreamed he would use it against him.'

'But he did and now he's…he's…-

'You need to say it John. It will help.'

…he's erm-'

'It will help you move on if you come to terms with what has happened.'

'He's. Sherlock is- …not here.' John's whole face relaxed a bit but Mycroft looked angry.

'John.'

'No Mycroft. I can't. I'm not ready.'

'He's dead John.' He spared no thought to what he said. Blunt as a kitchen knife.

'No, shut up Mycroft shut up! Don't say that you know he's not.' He slammed the table with his hands.

'He jumped off of a building, there's no way he could have survived that.'

'You know how clever he is! Of course he survived it.' He was quick to respond to everything Mycroft said.

'Then why isn't he here John?'

'Because…he's…he needs his time. He's probably thinking of a plan to come back or solving a triple homicide somewhere.'

'John you know that's not true.'

'No Mycroft. I know that is true because I know Sherlock and I know how he thinks and I know that he wont let me down, he wont leave me here. I know he wont. He'd say goodbye properly.'

'Wasn't that the point of the phone call?'

'There were killers watching. It had to seem real.'

'John you need to go back to your therapist. She gave you some pills didn't she?'

'I wont take them.'

'Why not?'

'They make me forget him. I don't want to forget him.'

'You can't carry on like this John. It's not good, it's not healthy.'

'If it means I can still see him and hear him then I don't care about what's good.'

'John, just look at yourself. You're not well in the slightest, you can't even sleep probably.'

'I had trouble with that anyway.'

'It was never this bad and it was getting better. You didn't have nightmares every night.'

'I'd normally wake up from hearing the violin at three in the morning.'

'That was something to calm you down when he saw you were having a nightmare John.' They were both silent for a long minute. John didn't know if that was true or not, he wanted it to be but he couldn't let his guard down when he was with Mycroft.

John decided he'd think about it later. 'I'm fine Mycroft.'

'No you're not, would you stop kidding yourself now.'

'I'm not kidding anyone. So I stopped seeing my therapist, she wasn't helping.'

'You were making progress and you got scared so you stopped.'

'Deductions don't suit you.'

'Who do you think helped him when he was starting out.'

'You wanted him to be like you but he refused. He's told me about your brotherly disagreement.'

'I knew he could have done so much more with his mind.'

'Oh yeah of course because saving lives and solving crimes isn't important is it Mycroft.'

John was still standing whereas Mycroft was still sat down letting John appear to have full control over the conversation.

'I never said it wasn't important. He helped a lot of people in his time John.'

'But he could've been part of the British government like you is what you mean.'

'John, listen to me, you're only getting worse and you will just continue to do so if you don't see your therapist soon.'

'Why should I go talk to her? She'll just tell me to write on my blog or she'll give me medication.'

'If you don't go to her soon John I'll take you to a specialist doctor.'

'You don't have any control over me Mycroft. I'm not your brother!' He slammed the table one last time and stormed out of the coffee shop, well as best as he could with his limp. He took a cab back to his flat, he didn't want Mycroft walking after him although it was inevitable that he'd come to Baker street later on or try to call him again but that didn't bother him, he wanted to look through sherlock's sheet music, maybe he'd find nothing but he might find a piece that was in fact written for him.

…

When he arrived back at Baker street he went over to where Sherlock kept all his music by the window parallel to the one where he would play. He began flipping through them looking at titles, it wasn't long until he was getting emotional, he could hear them all in his head but then he found what he was looking for; _For John. _His handwriting was so beautiful. John missed it. He read the notes over and over again until he couldn't see them anymore and he realised he was crying.

_Mycroft was right. He wasn't lying. What else was he saying that was the truth?_

_Wait, what are you doing?_

John stood up with the piece of music and went over to pick up Sherlock's violin, he had played the violin when he was in school so he knew what all the markings on the paper meant it was just a case of practising it and re-familiarising himself with it. He could never be like Sherlock but it was worth a shot just to hear it again.

He began to play, starting out slowly making sure he got everything right. He ignored his phone and played until the light was gone and he could no longer see the paper in front of him but he carried on from memory.


	4. Chapter 4

Notes: This chapter has been rushed because I had to re-write it a fair few times. So far I'm updating weekly but I've very busy this week so apologies for the lateness of this chapter. This is mainly speech so I hope that it doesn't get boring. Perhaps what John needs is a heart to heart with someone,, or a night out?

Chapter 4:

John woke up peacefully for the first time in a long time but it was outlived by him realising he was lying uncomfortably in his chair.

After making a few baby dinosaur noises while stretching he noticed a note lying on the small table next to him;

_**Good morning, John, you fell asleep by the window so I put you in your chair. Don't worry you didn't damage the violin it's sitting in his chair.**_

_**I've gone to the high street with Mrs. Turner next door. **_

_**Be back at 5 x **_

"What's with the notes?" John said chuckling to himself. "It's not like I'm fourteen and she's left me home-alone." He stood up and picked up the violin just to make sure he hadn't scratched or damaged it. "Better safe than sorry." After checking every visible part of it he sat it back down and went over to his phone to see who had rung him the night before hand.

"Its only quarter past ten? Blimey when did I sleep?"

_When do you ever sleep?_

John shook his self to quieten the voice. He only had 3 missed calls, all from Mycroft, no surprise there, then he had texts from Mycroft;

06:13pm

John, pick up your damned phone.

07:20pm

Is ignoring me really going to help?

07:52pm

I wont play games with you John.

08:03pm

Don't make me come to Baker Street because I will if I have to.

10:47pm

John for goodness sake just a simple reply would be a nice change.

11:30pm

I'll be coming over tomorrow then.

12:05am

Was that really not enough to make you reply?

12:27am

I'll see you at 5:00pm then, make a note of it.

John was laughing while he read "Oh god I didn't realise how childish he could be." His laughing abruptly stopped when he read the next two messages from two people he didn't expect to hear from.

08:25am

Hi John, its Molly here I couldn't remember if you had my number or not but I was wondering if you wanted to catch up, get some lunch or something. We haven't spoke in months x

"What the hell? If that's Mycroft then I'll break that stupid umbrella in half!" The next text was only sent a few minutes ago.

10:22am

Johnny are you okay? Ring me if you get this. Harry x

"Oh god." He quickly dialled her number and she picked up on the second ring.

"John?"

"Yeah Harry its me. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah everything's fine its you I'm worried about."

"Why? Has Mycroft been talking to you?"

"I've only ever spoken to him twice and I don't wish to do that again."

"Oh right, its just he's been bothering me a bit. Why are you worried?"

"I haven't heard from you in weeks Johnny, why?"

"Please don't call me that, you know I hate it. I've been busy that's all."

"With what? Your therapist has started asking me about you now."

"She doesn't stop does she?"

"She's worried about why you haven't been going, give her a reason and she'll stop."

"She wasn't helping. I've told her that and she didn't listen."

"I'll let her know next time she rings me."

"Thanks."

"You should still ring her and let her know, she might not believe me."

"I don't want to talk to her and that's that."

"Okay well me and Clara are back together."

"For good?"

"It looks that way, yes."

"Well in that case I'm happy for you both."

"Thank you, do I dare ask about your own love life?"

"Its dull."

"I thought as much. You should go out some time."

"Are you suggesting I go clubbing?"

"I don't see the harm in it, you're not an idiot."

"Thanks for that heartfelt compliment."

"I mean it's not like you'll go home with any old stranger and get drunk out of your mind."

"That's how people get over things though right? Drinking until you can't think straight."

"John, am I really the right person to talk to about that? I'm still recovering you know."

"Oh god, sorry Harry I wasn't thinking. How is that going by the way?"

"Its alright, don't worry about it. It's going really well, Clara is really helping me."

"I'm glad to hear that Harry but I'm gonna have to go now."

"Okay Johnny, I'll text you later okay?"

"How many times do I have to ask you Harry, my name is okay that's fine."

_Call ended, well done genius._

…

After showering, shaving and finally changing into clean clothes John put the kettle on ready for Mycroft's visit which would take place in a matter of minutes, he had cut it a bit close but he was enjoying being about to practise playing _the _violin without anybody else there to ask him questions or listen to him. He had in fact researched a few famous violinists and some tactics which he hoped would help him improve, he knew he'd never be like Sherlock but he owed it to him to at least try.

*_beep* *buzz* *beep*_

John's text alert chimed and he went over to the kitchen table to retrieve it. He had thought it was Mycroft cancelling but that would never happen instead it was Molly;

04:45pm

Hey John, are you alright?

04:47pm

Sorry Molly. Yes I'm fine thanks, how about we have that coffee later on? Mycroft is coming round at 5.

04:50pm

I'm glad to hear it Yeah sure I've got to get back to work now but I'll be done around 6ish, just let me know. I hope things go well with Mycroft.

04:54pm

Okay, I'll let you know. Thanks Molly.

John decided to start reading before he let his mind wondering into unwanted thoughts and he had picked up the stack of papers from the hallway and started to skim through them binning the unnecessary ones until he got to today's paper and he sat down on the sofa and began to read.

Before he knew it he heard 's key in the front door and he heard her talking to Mycroft. He listened to them talk about what shopping she had brought and then about his ongoing diet until told him to go upstairs.

"John, how nice to see you again." Mycroft was smiling, dressed in a sharp suit most liking had a meeting afterwards and as always he had that bloody umbrella with him.

"You seem happy." He looked up from his paper for a moment when he had entered the room.

"Yes, your landlady is great at cheering up a rather dull day don't you think?"

_If he doesn't stop being so happy then you should wipe that smile off his face._

"She is. Well its good that you're in a good mood but its bordering on annoying."

"Sorry John, maybe it will become infectious."

"I doubt that." He said looking at Mycroft and then turning the page. Mycroft sat down on the sofa with him putting a reasonable space between them.

"I'm sorry things went so badly yesterday. I didn't mean for them to go that way."

"And that's another reason I'm glad you don't control our conversations."

"Must you be so stubborn?"

"As I'm still annoyed, yes."

"I must admit, you do look more relaxed than you did yesterday, Mrs. Hudson told me she heard you playing his Sherlo- _his_ violin?"

"Yeah I decided to see if he had really written a piece for me and you were right."

"So you decided to play it?"

"And other things."

"Does this mean you trust what I say more now or will you continue to doubt every syllable out of my mouth?"

"Funny doesn't suit you Holmes'."

"I've noticed that myself."

"How did you want the conversation at that café to go just out of interest?"

"Well I wanted to get you to contact your therapist."

"My sister has taken care of that."

"You've spoken to her?"

"Yes, I rang her this morning after she had text me asking me nicely to ring her unlike you who on the other hand bombard me with messages."

"It's worked in the past."

"I tend to ignore the messages unless they're argent Mycroft."

"I'll just have to find other ways of contacting you then."

"Well I hope you have fun with that new project."

"Do you have any plans for today, you've tidied up a bit."

"I had time to kill."

"You even shaved."

"I don't like beards."

"Is that a new jumper?"

"You know it isn't."

"I don't think I've seen that one before."

"Is this what a normal conversation with you feels like? I don't know if I like it."

"Just trying to build some trust with you."

"Does that mean more conversations like this are confirmed for the future?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Well then maybe I should go out with Molly later."

"Molly Hooper?"

"Yes, she text me asking if I was alright and then if I wanted to go for some coffee so we could catch up, which is understandable as we haven't spoken in weeks."

"I think that would be a great idea."

"Did you get her to text me Mycroft? Don't bothering lying."

"No I didn't, I wouldn't do that at this stage, only if you hadn't spoken to me today would I consider such actions."

"Well that's good to hear. I didn't want her to be a pawn in your game to _fix _me."

"John, I am only trying to help you out, I can't single handily _fix you _as you put it but that doesn't mean I wont try." His phone made an alert sound and he pulled it out of his pocket and read it briefly.

"Sorry John, I'm afraid I have to go to an important meeting now but I will be in contact afterwards to see how your coffee with miss Hooper goes." He smiled straight at John and then got up to leave.

"Yeah I'll see ya later." He waved goodbye and listened while he went down the stairs and said goodbye to Mrs. Hudson which he would no doubt be seeing again sometime soon. When John heard the car drive away he sent Molly a text.

05:48pm

Are you almost done with work? Mycroft has just left and I'm dying for a decent chat.

*_beep*_

05:49pm

I was just about to text you. I'm just going to nip home and I'll meet you in Baker Street?

05:50pm

Why don't I come to you, it's a bit busy over here.

05:52pm

There's a new café a few streets away from my flat if you'd like to try it out?

05:53pm

That sounds great. I'll be over in about 20 minutes.

05:54pm

I'll see you then.


	5. Chapter 5

Notes: If you could write a review on this story or this chapter I'd be very grateful, you don't even have to like the story just tell me what you think so I can improve. Christmas has been a busy time, sorry for the late update, the next chapter should be up in a few days.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you're Molly Hooper."

Chapter 5

John was a bit shocked that Molly actually seemed to want to spend some time with him, even he knew he had been more than a bit harsh to her and other people but luckily Molly is a very forgiving person.

_How long will she put up with you._

_She'll probably just stand you up to teach you a lesson._

_She just feels sorry for you, she doesn't really want to spend time with you._

_She'll get bored and leave or she'll tell you to leave._

"Shut up! Just shut up!" John had his hands in tight fists in his hair which, if he was grabbing any tighter would be ripped out.

"Why can't you just SHUT UP?" Luckily Mrs. Hudson was out but that was the last thing on John's mind, how could he make this voice go away.

_You know its true John, nobody likes you anymore._

"That's not true…its not, its not." John started to repeat that to himself hoping that the voice would just go away eventually.

_But it is true John, just like how Sherlock was a fake._

Never had John heard that from his own mind before. He was frozen. Everything had stopped. He could only hear the sound of his heavy breathing. "…no..no, he was real, he-he still is."

_The world seems to disagree. _It was like there was a smirk in the voice, a triumphant smirk because John was in such a state.

John just sat down with his hands covering his ears for a few minutes until the voice had drowned out. "Molly did care." He was just trying to reassure himself before he headed off to Molly's. He couldn't say he wasn't going after all that so he grabbed his coat and hailed a cab.

…

The cab ride was quiet until the cabbie tried to make awkward small talk, luckily that didn't last long and the rest of the ride was spent in silence.

It was quarter past six when the cab pulled up outside Molly's flat. He thanked and paid the cabbie and then went to knock on Molly's door but it opened before he could.

"Oh hey Molly, that was fast."

"Oh sorry I didn't mean to scare you or anything. I was going to wait out here to meet you."

"Then I should have kept that cab."

"No need, it's only a ten minute walk." Molly smiled at him and shut the door to her flat, John smiled back and gave here some space to step out.

"Molly, you uh-you look lovely."

She started to blush a little and looked towards the floor. "Thanks I just rushed a bit."

"Well if that's rushed then I'd love to see you not rushed." He realised what he'd just said when Molly went a dark shade of red. "Oh god Molly I'm sorry if I- I don't know why I said that, I'm sor.." He had stopped talking when Molly put a hand on his arm. "It's alright John, you don't need to say sorry. Maybe we can arrange something so I don't have to rush." She smiled at him softly and then walked past to lead the way to the coffee shop. "Coming?" John was just standing there for a moment before he jogged up to meet Molly by the gate.

The walk to the coffee shop was spent mostly in silence which neither of them seemed to mind. As they turned a corner and saw the coffee shop Molly's face lit up a little bit.

"Doesn't it look great?" John was taken back at her excitement; he'd forgotten that people got excited by things other than crime scenes and dead bodies. He shook himself to get the thought out of his head. He replied when he realised he'd been quiet for an unusual amount of time and Molly was now staring at him. "Uh, yeah it looks great." He gave a not very convincing smile and walked over to open the door for her.

They went in and grabbed a corner booth by the front window and John went to order some coffee. When he returned with two black coffees Molly smiled and grabbed the cups so he could sit down. He thanked her and sat down nervously.

_She doesn't like you stop getting your hopes up. She's not even your friend. _

"So John, how are you? Really, not the whole 'yeah I've been fine doing this and that'"

"Molly, um. Well I've, um, yeah."

"Been far from okay?"

"Just a bit."

"You look tired."

"I am tired. I haven't had a solid sleep in a long time. I think the longest I've slept in one sitting is probably six hours."

"Two hours off the recommended amount." She smiled wryly.

John smiled and slipped his coffee. Too hot.

"It's alright you know. I miss him too, maybe not in the same way as you do but I miss him all the same."

"Am I just being selfish? Or stupid? Why after all this time am I still like this."

"Why do you think?" She was really trying to help. John's mind had been shocked into silence which must have meant she wasn't lying.

"I think he's still out there. Somewhere."

"But you were there when it happened, weren't you?" Now Molly was getting confused, John knew what he was saying must have sounded crazy to anybody bar him.

"I know it sounds crazy and I was there when it happened but I got hit by a cyclist, my head was a mess-

"John he was taken into Barts, I don't think he could've survived a fall from that height."

"But he's Sherlock Holmes."

"No matter how extraordinary he was I think this is a bit far for him. I'm sorry John." She patted his forearm.

"No, no its idiotic of me." He shook his head. "How's your coffee?"

"Its lovely, thank you." She smiled and offered to buy some cakes which John obliged to because he knew Molly would get them anyway.

The rest of the evening was spent drinking coffee, cracking jokes, making up stories about other people in the shop or 'people watching' as someone once called it. Their game was broken by one of the staff coming over and asking if they could leave as it was past closing time and they wanted to lock up.

"Where has the time got to, ey? John winked at Molly and then got up to leave with Molly.

By the time they got back to Molly's flat it was 9:45pm and Molly invited him in. They ended up watching Darren Brown and trying to figure out how he does it. That ended in more laughter when Molly said everyone else just plays along to make him feel better. Did that have a double meaning?

"Molly, I want to tell you about what happened." She was silent, John took this as a way of her saying carry on.

"Someone had rang me telling me Mrs. Hudson had been shot when she hadn't but I didn't know that until I got to Baker street and she was fine. Before I left Sherlock and I had a row, he said she was just his landlady when I knew for a fact he cared about her way more than that. I called him a machine and said he could stay there on his own, we'd been trying to figure out a way to bring down Moriarty all night, he said alone protects him then I told him that friends protect people. I don't know if that's true anymore." He looked at Molly who had tears in her eyes but she was still silent only moving her hand to get him to carry on talking. "When I got back from Baker street Sherlock called me, he told me to go back and stand where I was, he told me to look up because he was on the rooftop. My heart sank, I was so afraid. At that point I knew but I didn't want to believe it. He told me he was a fake and he'd made it all up, of course I didn't believe him I mean would you believe he was a fake after he knew everything about you and your sister all at one glance? He said nobody could be that clever and laughed a little when I said he could." John's voice began to strain. "When he said goodbye I wanted to be up there with him so I could drag him from the edge but instead I screamed his name, I don't know if he heard or not but before I knew it he was on the floor and I couldn't believe it, I went over to him but that cyclist knocked me over and by the time I got there loads of people were crowded around him. I checked his pulse and there was nothing but I just don't believe his gone." He hadn't ever spoke about what had happened in that way before, he never could with Mycroft or his therapist.

He looked down, he didn't want to see if Molly thought he was being stupid or not. He was surprised when she spoke.

"Why are you telling me this?" Her eyes were red as was her nose from crying and sniffing.

"Because you're Molly Hooper." He trusted her, maybe because Sherlock had trusted her before or because they'd created a new trust from their evening together, either way they were both teary and Molly gave him a big slice of chocolate cake and a dvd of one of her favourite films 'mean girls' to cheer him up. He laughed and thanked her with a kiss on her cheek.

It was almost midnight when he got back to Baker street. Mrs. Hudson was asleep so he tired to be quiet going into his flat. He put 'mean girls' on and started eating the slice of cake Molly gave him, he laughed at how much of a teenage he must of looked like, he sure as hell felt like one right now.


	6. Chapter 6

Notes: I can't apologise enough for how late this update is, I was without internet for roughly two weeks so I couldn't update but the good news is the next chapter is already written and will be up soon. I have gone through and corrected past chapters from the typos and spelling mistakes. I need to get someone to proof read for me if I'm honest. Thank you for writing reviews and it really does help because then I know what to add and not to add so please review.

Chapter 6

"Sherlock what the _**hell**_ are you doing! Step away from that ledge!"

"An apology. It's all true."

"Sherlock shut up, just shut up and come over here, stand by me and we can talk."

"I invented Moriarty for my own reasons."

"No..no, stop it Sherlock."

"The papers were right all along."

"Okay that's enough now, come on lets go home."

"I'm a fake."

"No you're not, I know you're not. You are Sherlock Holmes."

"Its all a trick, its just a magic trick."

"Stop messing around, you cant fake what you do."

"But I did."

"The first time we met Sherlock, you knew all about me and my sister. Even her drinking."

"Nobody could be that clever."

"You could."

"Goodbye John."

"No…Sherlock, stop. SHERLOCK!"

John shot awake breathing hard, he was covered in sweat from his vivid dream. He collapsed back onto his bed and tired to calm himself down but he ended up sobbing into the darkness.

_Had a nice sleep?_

…_Didn't think so._

_Better get use to it, nothings gonna change Johnny boy._

Once again John threw his hands up to his head in an attempt to silence the voice but it only became louder, it was too late to make it stop, there was no point in trying point he always did.

He was snapped out of it by a sudden thought. "Hang on? I didn't go to sleep up here?" John looked around his room from where he was sat to see if there were any notes left by Mrs. Hudson but he found none. "Oh great, just great now I'm a bloody sleep walker as well!"

John forced himself to get up and go downstairs, he was sure he'd left the tv on so at least he could check the time. He needn't put any lights on because the sun was rising and his eyes had adjusted, only a few things were difficult to see but the tv served as an excellent light source so there really was no need for anything else. John took 'mean girls' and put it back in its case to give back to Molly when he next saw here and then turned on the news;

"Hello and welcome to BBC News. The time is quarter past six and here are the headlines…"

"Quarter past six? But its light outside." John was confused, he went over to look outside the window and found new street lights shinning through the glass. "When did that happen?" Then a familiar newly waxed black car made its way down the street and stopped in front of Speedy's café. It was breaking the speed limit but far and then the back door to the car burst open and Mycroft shot out of it. "Oh god, what's going on. Please don't be Mrs. Hudson." He was relieved to see Mrs. Hudson come out to meet Mycroft but she was crying and he quickly ran inside and up to where John was.

"John! John?!" Mycroft came running up the stairs to 221b shouting John's name until he saw him. He looked breathless; he clearly used all his energy.

"Mycroft? Wha-whats going on?" John was more than a little confused, he didn't even know people were up this early, he was still partly asleep himself but everyone seemed to be wide awake.

"Oh my god John you have no idea how relieved I am to see you." Mycroft put his hands on his knees in an attempt to catch his breath. "I rushed over here as soon as Mrs. Hudson rang me."

"Hold on a minute, why did you rush over here? Why did she ring you? What the hell is going on?" He sat down before he spoke again. "Why are you here?"

Mycroft sat by the desk and he was able to speak for longer now that he had his breath back. "I was doing some filing when Mrs. Hudson rang me on my personal phone; she said you were screaming, shouting in your sleep. She could hear you crashing about the place making all manner of noises, she was too afraid to come up so she rang to see if I would and naturally I did-

"Naturally." John interrupted but Mycroft didn't seem phased. "Why would it be _natural_ for you to come over if I was in trouble?" He was getting defensive again, he couldn't help it there was something about Mycroft that just frustrated him so much.

"Well yes. Over the years we have formed some kind of friendship and I think it would be rude of me not to show concern when you are in trouble. Neither myself nor Mrs. Hudson knew what was going on up here but now I see that you weren't being attacked. It was just a bad dream." John could see Mycroft's face slowly relax as he spoke; he'd never seen him look anywhere near calm before, it was quite a sight to behold.

"I suppose we have become friends, how come you haven't shot round like this before?"

"I didn't think you would remember, John." Sadness went over his face so smoothly yet so quickly, like a dancer on ice, the more John paid attention the easier it was to see what the other man was feeling.

"Remember what? Have you come round before? Mycroft!?"

"I'll tell you after you tell me what happened when you were asleep, I don't want to risk you not telling me. Do we have a deal?"

John was quiet for a moment, if Mycroft didn't want to tell him first then it must be bad and considering he doesn't remember it must be really bad. "Okay, deal." They should each others hands as a confirmation.

"But before you tell me John."

"hmm?"

"Would you mind cleaning yourself up a bit? I cant take you seriously like this." He pointed to John's messing bed hair and clothes that had been pulled and tugged at during his sleep.

John looked down at himself. "Oh, sorry. I wont be long." He went over to the bathroom and turned on the taps before jumping in.

"Take your time John, I'll make some tea." He spoke louder to try and make sure John heard him over the water, and he did.

"Yeah alright then." He shouted back. Then it dawned on him. "Oh _shit_."

_**Oopies, look who forgot some clothes. And a towel. **_

_**What will you do now then.**_

_**Ask him? **_

_**Or will you just make a dash for it?**_

"John? Are you alright?" He sound concerned. "Do you have any clothes in there?"

_**Okay, you got lucky this time.**_

"How did you? Oh never mind. No I don't." He tried not to sound embarrassed that he was a short distanced from him and fully nude.

"Oh well, would you like me to get you something or would like me to look away for a moment?" Mycroft didn't even sound bothered by the fact that John had forgotten clothes and there was a small chance that he might catch a glimpse of him naked.

"Actually, as much as I love your style Mycroft, I think I should go pick something." Just then he heard a knock at the door. "Mycroft what are you doing?" John was alarmed; he had nowhere to hide if Mycroft came in unless he hid behind the shower curtain. Maybe not the best choice.

"I'm passing you a towel." He opened the door ajar and held out a towel for John to take.

"Oh, thanks Mycroft." He took the towel and wrapped it around his waist. "I'll be out in a second." He made sure things were tidy and in place and then opened the bathroom door to get out. _Deep breaths John._

Mycroft was in the kitchen making tea for both himself and John. "Tea's ready, you don't take sugar do you?" Mycroft didn't even turn around; maybe he could tell John felt nervous being around him like he was or he just didn't want to turn around.

"No, no sugar for me thanks." John walked past the kitchen and up to his room to get dressed.

John came down a few minutes later and Mycroft was sat at the kitchen table sipping tea and eating a biscuit from a plate mrs. Hudson must have brought up. "Did mrs. Hudson bring those?" John gestured to the plate in the middle of the table.

"Oh wha-hmm? Oh yes she brought those up." Mycroft was thinking when John had spoken but now he was paying attention to what was going on. "Sorry John, I was in a completely different world there. Do sit down, you must have a lot to tell me." John sat down on the chair opposite Mycroft and grabbed his own tea. It was cold.

"I think I might need to make another cup of tea or heat this one back up." John didn't want to offend Mycroft by just chucking it away but he did just want some tea and this was ridiculously cold considering he'd only been gone five minutes at the most. "Mycroft."

"Hmm."

"How long was I upstairs for? This tea is much colder than it should be."

"I put cold water in it to cool it down when I finished making it and thought it would be too hot." Mycroft's voice was empty yet he was giving John all the attention he would normally give him when they were alone.

"That's kind of you. I'll just stick it in the microwave for a few minutes; don't want it to go to waste." He got up and placed the cup in the microwave and set the timer for two minutes before sitting back down again and picking up a biscuit. They were rich teas. "Are you alright Mycroft?" John tilted his head a little so he could see if there were any signs of something wrong on his face.

"I'm just a bit tired. I was up quite late last night filing and doing paperwork, I'd only gotten a mere 3 hours when I was called here." Mycroft sat up straight shaking off the tiredness.

"Sorry I had to be a bother." _Damn, why did you have to say it like,_ John regretted saying that now as it sounded a lot better in his head.

_**Now you're in for it.**_

_**He's going to leave you here.**_

_**Or he's going to send you away to get fixed.**_

_**He might even shout at you, that would be the icing. **_

"Shut up!" Mycroft looked at him in complete astonishment. John just looked back annoyed with himself that he'd said that out loud but did he have to shout it. "I'm s-sorry. I didn't mean to, what I meant was." John took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to say that out loud." Mycroft kept quiet for just a little while longer after John had spoken.

"Were you saying that me in your head? I can go if you'd prefer to be alone." Mycroft gestured to the door.

_**So he's going to be nice to you. Oh how /kind/ of him. **_

John was finding it hard not to crumble. He could do this, he just had to ignore it. "No, it wasn't to you. I want you to stay." He really didn't want him to go, if he went then he'd be alone with the voice and it would take over, at least with someone there he had a reason to keep from letting it gain control.

"I'm glad to hear that. We have a lot to discuss." Mycroft smiled reassuringly at him, at that point John realised Mycroft knew something serious was wrong but that didn't mean he had to tell him. Not yet anyway.


End file.
